Hello Silicon Valley,

My name is Anita Mann and I am a Life and Personal Development Coach. I think many of us value a fulfilling career and try to balance that with a healthy personal life. But, this can be tricky at times.  Therefore, I would like to share my ideas for creating more balance and reaching your goals.  As with other articles, I focus on specific cities, but the message is always universal.  So to all, enjoy the read.

Client discussing goals with a Life Coach

After a month or so, results seem slow in coming (your perception), your new work-out outfit has been through the wash so many times its lost its luster, and no one is commenting on your new endeavor.  It’s become old news. 

Chin up, you say to yourself.  I can do this.  You continue to make it to work-outs but more pressing things ’suddenly’ occur in your life. You accept overtime at work because, well, who turns down money?  And, it looks good to your superiors.  In a competitive market, this is a must you tell yourself.  Others events occur like a sick child or your partner complaining that your spending too much time away from home. 

Gradually, you miss more exercise classes but rationalize it as simply a part of life that one must be flexible about.  After all, you have many responsibilities and your results at the gym weren’t exactly what you had expected anyways.  You tell yourself you’ll get back on track once ‘things settle down’.  That time never comes.  I won’t continue this story because I think you know where things are heading - you quit the gym and chalk it up to an inevitable failure.

Well, you’re not alone.  Most resolutions fail within the first month.  Here’s where I step in.  I think some information and a little insight is sorely needed.  First, you need to be aware of the process of skill acquirement.  Whenever learning a new skill or behavior these are the steps you go through.

Being 1) Unconsciously Incompetent  2) Consciously Incompetent  3) Consciously Competent and  4) Unconsciously Competent.  Let me define each. 

1) Unconsciously Incompetent:  In the beginning, you are not aware that you don’t have a particular skill.  Using the above example, this means you lack the awareness that you are out of shape and that it is negatively impacting you. 

2)  Consciously Incompetent:  Then, say you watch a hard-hitting television program on health and learn just how important it is for you to make changes to improve your  health now.  Or, you are ready for the first time to accept you are out of shape and must do something about it.  You’re just not sure what to do or how to start.

3)  Consciously Competent:  So, you do some research or ask physically active friends what they are doing for themselves in this area.  Say you join a gym and participate in classes. You keep practising this new routine, but boy is it hard work!  NOW THIS IS WHERE MOST PEOPLE GIVE UP.  They think the results aren’t coming fast enough. They skipped classes one week because other ‘priorities’ came up and feel all is lost.  Maybe they take on extra work at the office and did not have the ‘time’ to exercise. In essence, they think have have failed because they did not perform perfectly. 

THIS IS NORMAL!  MOST PEOPLE WANT TO QUIT AT THIS JUNCTURE BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY HAVE FAILED.  THIS IS A FALLACY!  STRUGGLE DOES NOT EQUAL FAILURE.  IN FACT, THIS IS A NECESSARY PART OF SKILL DEVELOPMENT BECAUSE YOU BUILD RESILIENCY.  This is a golden opportunity to call in all your internal resources (ie. saying positive affirmations to yourself) and external resources (ie. working with a Life Coach). You learn to manage your way through the rough spots and come out the other side a winner.  Now you have a precedent for overcoming future obstacles and your confidence skyrockets!                                                                                                

4)  Unconsciously Competent:  It realistically takes people 3 months to become proficient at a new skill, routine or habit. You have become proficient.  Exercising is now second nature to you. You have succeeded.

In closing, knowing beforehand that getting off-track is a good thing, results in not being paralyzed by it.  You CAN get back on track.  Resiliency is the key.

Here’s to awareness and planning for all your endeavors for 2010. 

Anita Mann

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 7:45 am and is filed under Life Coaching. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.